Content warning: The story below contains discussions on body image.
Words hold a lot of weight, and the worst part is, humans tend to latch onto negative comments more than they do with positive ones. In my case, weight has always been a sensitive topic–as I’ve been told on several occasions “ang sensitive mo naman,” after feeling bad for having my flabs poked at and made fun of. And while 22-year-old me has finally learned to shrug off these kinds of “jokes,” I can’t help but think about the teen girl who starved herself and cried at the sight of her body, along with the hundreds of other young girls and boys who have done so, only because of a “joke.”
Why Body-Shaming Will Never Be Funny
At 12 years old, I was a pretty active girl. I was in our school’s swim team, and I even did taekwondo and competed in aquathlons once in a while. Around the same time, I got my period, and I was officially going through puberty. That came with all the wonderful and horrible things, which are usually attached to the territory—like developing a crush on a boy.
Adults usually say “They tease you because they like you,” and I was on the receiving end of a lot of them. His comments tended to focus on my weight. I wasn’t the skinniest girl in our batch, but I wasn’t unhealthy or overweight either. But in his eyes, it seemed, I was already considered “fat.”
I can still remember, to this day, the sick feeling I felt in my stomach when the words “fat girl” came out of his mouth. And while he might have meant it endearingly—with how he put the word “my” before “fat girl”—the words weighed so heavily on me, that I never saw my body the same way again.
Here's the thing about these kinds of “jokes.” While it may be funny or even deemed as “endearing” for the one making these, they're rarely ever funny for the person on the receiving end. It’s body shaming and it’s bullying—plain and simple—and no amount of “joke lang”s will take back the damage that’s been done. It took me 10 years to get to a point where I no longer feel anxiety stepping on a weighing scale or crying at the sight of myself in the mirror. My photos back in high school were glimpses of me at my lowest, mentally and physically, with a girl who weighed 110 pounds, training in Muay Thai for two to three hours every day, all while being in a major caloric deficit. I had lost so much weight so quickly that “fitness junkies” would probably laud my dedication, but I was miserable and clearly unhealthy that my coach was concerned. But a voice in the back of my head kept telling me: I still wasn’t thin enough.
Now I’m in my 20s and I’ve gained 20 pounds. Little me would be horrified at the thought. But here I am, in my most stable mental state and at the most comfortable I’ve ever been in my own skin.
I wished that it didn’t have to take me this long to finally get to this point. Most of all, I wish that no other kid would have to go through the same thing. I learned to love myself now because of the people I am with, a support system, who showed me throughout these 10 years that they love me, no matter what shape and size I am. But not everyone has that same privilege.
On the Reality of Body Image
According to the Mental Health Foundation, one in eight adults experience suicidal thoughts or feelings because of concerns about their body image. Body image doesn’t just concern weight, because it also encompasses thoughts on height, hair, and the color of our skin. Any negative thing that could possibly be pointed out about our body is body-shaming. And if someone's not careful with their words, a young and vulnerable person, like I was, might not be able to make it through.
All it takes is a single comment to sow the seeds of negative self-talk. It doesn’t help that our society is obsessed with body image, and we're more exposed to unrealistic beauty expectations than ever. It can’t be denied that there is an unspoken pressure for both men and women to look a certain way, which, at the end of the day, affects young people and how they see their bodies.
At the end of it all, when someone comments on someone else’s body—no matter how harmless they may think it is—keep in mind that words have power. Still, it never killed anybody to be kind. So why not just be kind?
About the author
Isha Fojas is the Editorial Assistant for Beauty at Preview.
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